Thinking

Recife, 06.03.07

Bad news!
Today Yuki called me from Amsterdam to tell that the Dutch Ministry of Education did not want to stamp my diploma because it was written in English.
First I got really panicked because I thought that this would be a very difficult problem to solve and would take ages until I get my papers back, but than I tried to calm down and think clear in order to find a solution for this dilemma.
After thimking a lot, I sent an e-mail to the IG Groep explaining the situation and asking them if they could help me to find a solution, than I called Yuki back to tell her what to do.
If the diploma was given by a Dutch institute with the signature of the director, this paper should be legal even if it is written in English.
I hope that everything works out in a way Pedro can bring the papers with him next Wednesday when he is arriving in Recife.
Now the only thing I can do is to wait until tomorrow and see what is going to happen.
F*k, I am stuck!

Recife, 01.02.07

It is already 1 month that I am here in Brazil beginning this new life spam. Something went wrong, I forgot or better saying I didn’t see that there was one of my school papers which I did not stamp by the Dutch Ministry of Education, by the Dutch Ministry of Foreign Affairs and by the Brazilian Embassy. Without those stamps I can not apply to my Brazilian diploma. Right now my friends in Amsterdam are taking care of this little problem for me. Once the papers are here I can send them to be translated in Brasilia and only after that to apply for its validation by the UFPE.
In this meanwhile I can just wait and drink tee like the Germans say. There are some moments where I feel I bit frustrated and lost but then immediately I try to change my energy and my way of thinking in order to remain positive.
I need to find a job as soon as possible so that I do not need to ask money to my parents; this would be really embarrassing for me. After so many years being able to sustain myself and being use to do whatever I want with my life, now I even need to inform where I go and what time I will be back.
The country is absolutely chaotic and to find a job here is kind of stressful. After meeting some old friends some opportunities for little jobs appeared, like for example to create the visual identity to a dance project and give a workshop of bodywork for actors. I am sure I will not get a lot of money with those projects but at least this will keep my mind busy.
The most important now is to keep a positive mindset and a high level of self confidence in order to deal with this situation.
I am living in between to places, I sleep in my own apartment which has no refrigerator, no oven, no sofa, no television, and no air conditioning, and during the day at my father’s place. I keep saying to myself that everything in life has a reason to happen so that I can find some meaning in what is happening to me. For the last three years I have been living with a real luxurious life and then, everything changed and now I need support even to get my food. Life is an endless cycle of ups and downs and it’s up to us to learn how to deal with them. Sometimes when I stop to reflect about my situation I see no way out, any perspective of improvement, but maybe this is just because the circumstances I am in right now are a bit frustrating. I have faith and hope that soon something good will happen.

Amsterdam 19.01.07

Funny times Everything is demanding for a deep letting go For unconditional faith For bravery I must confront many of my unconscious fears and be strong A real challenge for my spirit The new situation that lays ahead will require all diplomacy I am able to Patience, positive thinking, will power, flexibility, and a lot of stamina The first and basic achievement will be to start working as quickly as possible and that is exactly where it lays my strongest expectations I have absolutely no idea of how long it will take or how difficult it will be I need the whole universe to conspire in my favour if I want to succeed To have a possibility of returning to Europe through the help of my friends gives me some kind of relief I will try my best and if does not work out as I wish, what the bleep?